Change Up
by turbomagnus
Summary: When Roslyn can't babysit Calvin and sends someone else in her place, Calvin discovers that it's a lot harder to misbehave with a babysitter that thinks just as out-of-the-box as he does.


Disclaimer; Calvin and Hobbes and all derived characters are the creation and property of Bill Watterson, even Charlie although he was only mentioned by name in the comics and never appeared. R.J. the raccoon and Caerbannog the Sharp-Toothed Rabbit are based on two of my own stuffed animals though...

* * *

"Change-Up"  
by J.T. Magnus, 'Turbo'

* * *

"You're sure you won't have any problems? Calvin can be... active."

The young man standing with the tote bag hanging from his shoulder across from Calvin's dad just smiled, "I think I can handle it. I'm sorry Roslyn couldn't make it tonight, sir."

"Don't be," Calvin's mom said, walking up beside her husband, "Her sending you saved me hours of phone calls... Charles, wasn't it?"

"Charlie, ma'am."

"Charlie, try to have him in bed by eight, keep the house in one piece... and try not to let him make any more calls to Alaska, okay? The phone bill's high enough as it is."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Calvin, the babysitter is here! We're going! Be good, ok?"

As soon as the door closed securely behind the parents, Charlie dropped his bag to the floor and unzipped it. As he stood up to look around, a brown-furred head popped out of the tote.

"Air, sweet air! Sweet gas of life," the stuffed raccoon gasped as he climbed out of the bag, followed by a small white stuffed rabbit.

"R.J.," Charlie said in a long-suffering tone, "Stop playing to the back row... and don't give me that look."

The raccoon stopped rolling his eyes, "You bring me into a tiger den with just knight-killer here for protection and complain because I'm annoyed? Go soak your head, two-leg."

"Do you want a round in the washing machine with no fabric softener? No? Then go find the kid and bring the little phone-tapper to me."

"Right, right," the raccoon said, shaking himself loose from the bag's straps, "Come on, 'Bann'."

The small white rabbit gave a squeak of acknowledgement.

Charlie shook his head as the two stuffed animals slipped into the kitchen, then knelt down to rummage through his bag, "You know, they may be right about me going insane. Now, where did I put it...?"

* * *

"The ever-couragous Spaceman Spiff, scourge of intergalactic evil everywhere! Stranded on an unknown planet, hunted by allies of the dreaded Sitterons, armed with only his incredible wits and trusty freem blaster, Spaceman Spiff, hero of the cosmos!" Calvin announced as he slowly opened his bedroom door, water pistol in hand.

"The Sitterons," Hobbes added in a voice-over tone, standing just behind Calvin, "Sworn enemies of Earth, possessing the ability to disable any craft with their dread Grounding Ray, only one man stands in their way, a man fate has made... indescribable... Spaceman Spiff."

"'Spaceman Spiffy'," an unfamiliar voice commented from the direction of the stairs, "Very sixties... aren't you a little young for that?"

"Zounds! I've been found," Spiff shouted as Calvin tossed his bedsheet rope over a bedpost and ran for the window, "With the trusty aid of his magna-grappling rope, Spiff makes his escape down the sheer cliffside to avoid being trapped by the Sitteron minions!"

At the top of the stairs, Charlie shook his head and sighed, "I'm going to be earning it tonight."

* * *

"Ambushed by agents of the Sitterons, Spaceman Spiff must escape and survive on this uncharted planet," Calvin said as reached the ground, "Momentarily, the intrepid hero considers the fact that maybe he needs new charts."

Sliding the rest of the way down the bedsheet rope, Hobbes shook his head, "You know, it's not Roslyn... you could at least meet this one first."

Spaceman Spiff faded back into Calvin for a moment, "Bite your tongue, Hobbes."

A noise from the other side of the nearby back door caused Calvin to tense up and slowly turn around, water pistol at the ready, "Behind every rock could lurk Sitteron agents, Spiff knows."

Hobbes shrugged, "Why do I even bother? I'm going for a tuna sandwich."

Pushing past Calvin, Hobbes walked towards the door. As he put his hand on the doorknob, a splash of water struck the side of the house.

"Don't open that door, Hobbes," Calvin warned, moving the aim of his gun from house to tiger, "We have no idea who's on the other side."

Hobbes slowly turned around and popped out the claws of his right paw, "Are you actually thinking of getting between me and tuna?"

Lowering his water pistol, Calvin nervously took a step back, "Why would you think that?"

The sound of knotted bedclothes knocking against the house drew Calvin's attention and he looked up to see his escape rope being pulled back in.

"Oh, no! The Sitterons have discovered the wreckage of Spaceman Spiff's ship, unless he acts quickly, they'll discover the secrets of freem technology! What was that?" Calvin's line of vision shot back down to ground level to see the kitchen door closing behind Hobbes, "Traitorous feline!"

* * *

"Well," Hobbes commented as the door shut behind him, "This is new."

A voice that the tiger suspected was connected to the black and brown ringed tail sticking out of the turned-over trash can scoffed, "Hardly. Don't the humans here throw away anything good to eat?"

Hobbes leaned against the counter, resting one arm on the countertop, "Well, the adults say they never let good food go to waste, but Calvin would argue that they never make good food in the first place."

"Tch," the ring-tailed figure scoffed as he backed out of the container, "Figures. Got any tuna?"

Tiger stared at raccoon for a moment before making a decision, "In the pantry. You get the cans, I'll get the can-opener."

* * *

"Alone and stranded on an unexplored world, Spaceman Spiff faces his greatest challenge yet! With his crashed spaceship in the hands of Sitteron agents, he must make his way undetected to where it's being held and either repair it so he can escape or destroy it to keep the secret of freem technology out of their hands. With no allies and no knowing what's in store, can the champion of the cosmos survive this perilous time?"

Kneeling next to the open window, Charlie shook his head and thought, 'Deep in the heart of the city, a man kneels at an open window looking down on a busy street. Even in the dead of night, the city never sleeps... unless it's with the fishes. He doesn't know who the man is or care, he just knows that he's being paid good money by powerful people to deal with this man and the trouble caused his employers by him.'

A slow and smooth motion loaded ammunition into the chamber of the gun Charlie carried and resting it on the windowsill, he took aim...

"Argh!" Calvin shouted as a blast of water struck the ground just in front of him, "Snipers!"

Diving and rolling, Calvin took cover in the bushes next to the house.

"Impressive move for a kid," Charlie remarked, pumping more water into the firing chamber and standing up to lean out the window.

A series of loud squeaks from the bushes followed by a loud scream and the blonde six-year-old running out into the open followed by a small white blur caused the older boy to shake his head.

"Looks like he found Bann... or Bann found him, whichever. Better go save him, I think I only get paid if he survives," Charlie pulled himself back inside and straightened up, "I could get down there the sane way... or the fun way... Eh, sanity's overrated, fun way it is!"

Sitting down on the windowsill and swinging his legs out, Charlie took a deep breath, "I can't believe I'm still doing this stuff..."

With that, Charlie curled his water gun in next to his body and covered it with his arms to protect it, dropped out the window and rolled as he hit the ground.

Coming up to a knee with a wince, Charlie checked his weapon and shook his head, "Need to get back in practice, don't I?"

Calvin skidded to a stop and turned to face the new voice, "Who are you? Argh!"

The pause was all the white blur needed to catch him and knock him to the ground with a well-placed jump on the blonde's chest.

Standing up, Charlie shrugged, "At the moment, I think I'm the only guy around to save you from the killer rabbit..."

A quick blast of pressurised water to the white rabbit currently baring its teeth knocked it off the boy and punctuated the remark.

* * *

"You're kidding," R.J. said through a mouthful of tuna sandwich.

"Nope," Hobbes shook his head, took a bite of his own sandwich and chewed and swallowed before continuing, "The whole school."

The raccoon shook his head, "I'll never look at noodles the same way again."

Shrugging, the tiger continued to eat. A moment later, the door opened and Calvin marched in, hands on his head like he was a Prisoner of War. Behind him, Charlie had Calvin's water pistol tucked in his belt, his own in one hand pointed at the blonde boy's back and the white form of Bann struggling in his other hand.

Hobbes blinked, "Yet another unexpected twist."

'Captured by Sitteron agents, Spaceman Spiff is being marched towards their base on this planet. He can only suspect that they intend to force him to reveal the secret behind freem technology so that they can use it to destroy Earth and conquer the galaxy. For now, the intrepid Spiff bides his time, waiting for the right moment...' Calvin narrated in his head.

'Nothing ruins a good night like a last minute change in plans. Just as he was ready to take the shot, the call came in to bring the gumshoe in instead of rubbing him out. As the hired gun followed him down the rainy night street, the detective began to get a bad feeling in his stomach, a sign that something was not right and slowly and carefully so as not to attract attention from anyone that might be following him or some civilian out late, he drew his pistol. At the next intersection, with a don't walk sign delaying him, a hard right sent the detective's gun spiraling out of his hand and an invitation engraved on a Thompson helped him to understand that it was a command appearance. Now the boss awaits...' was the narration going through Charlie's own mind.

"Okay, get up there. Get up there and turn around," Charlie announced, letting Calvin step away and turn around.

"You'll get nothing from me, Sitteron scum!" Calvin shouted.

"Really?" Charlie remarked, holding out the hand that held Caerbannog by the scruff of his neck, "Maybe I should let my friend here ask the questions then. What do you think about that?"

"Taunt me and torture me all you like, alien fiend, I'll never talk," Calvin shot back, his defiance offset by the step back he took to remain out of reach of the rabbit's teeth.

"You'll talk, gumshoe, before the night's over you'll tell us everything you know and a lot of things you don't. You'll talk, if you don't talk we'll find someone who will... maybe that partner of yours."

Sitting at the table, Hobbes blinked, "Could someone tell me what's going on here? I feel like I walked into an Abbott and Costello act."

R.J. frowned, "Who are Abbott and Costello?"

Hobbes was aghast, "You don't know Abbott and Costello?"

The raccoon tapped his fingers on the table as he thought, "Did they appear on an episode of 'Celebrity Deathmatch'?"

This time it was Hobbes' turn to be confused, "What's 'Celebrity Deathmatch'?"

Charlie looked over at the table with a long-suffering expression, "If the two comedians are through cracking wise?"

R.J. looked over at the older of the two humans, "Better cracking wise than just plain cracked, Chuck."

"How many times have I told you? It's Charlie, not Chuck," Charlie shook his head with exasperation.

"Today, recently or total?" R.J. countered.

Charlie turned to glare at the raccoon, "I'm sure they've got a washing machine here."

'His captors distracted by dissention in the ranks, Spaceman Spiff sees his chance!' Calvin thought, slowly inching towards the doorway to the living room before suddenly going full speed to make a break for it.

"Are you supposed to be letting him get away like that?" Hobbes interjected over the arguing duo.

'The shouted warning drew attention to the fact that the detective was trying to escape and one of the guards took off after him,' Charlie thought before throwing the rabbit in his hand at the running blonde and shouting, "Get him, Bann!"

When Charlie shouted, Calvin made the mistake of turning around and providing the perfect target for Bann as the killer rabbit impacted with his chest and knocked him down for the second time that day. As kid and rabbit struggled, Charlie walked calmly into the room and leaned against the wall.

"Ros might use cleats," Charlie informed him, "But I have my own ways, as you can see."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Calvin snarled, "Now get this thing off me!"

"Hm, no, I don't think so," Charlie answered as the other two animals walked into the room.

"What!" Calvin shouted, rolling over and trying to crush Bann beneath him before rolling again as the rabbit scratched him, "But you're supposed to be watching me!"

"I am watching you," Charlie informed him, "I'm watching you lose to a rabbit. Your mom said I had to make sure the house stayed in one piece, nothing about you staying in one piece."

"I knew they'd try this sooner or later," Calvin gritted out.

The room froze at the sound of a series of sharp knocks on the door.

"Everyone act normal!" Charlie instructed quickly.

"You're kidding, right?" Hobbes muttered, "Us, normal?"

"Just do it!" Charlie hissed as he jogged past Calvin and Bann to reach the front door. Opening the door, Charlie blinked at the little girl standing there in a t-shirt and overalls with a death-grip on the brown stuffed rabbit in her arms, "Hello?"

The girl frowned, "Who are you?"

"Charlie, Calvin's babysitter, and who are you?"

"Susie Derkins from next door... I thought Rosslyn was Calvin's babysitter?"

"She had to go to her grandfather's birthday dinner tonight, so I agreed to cover for her."

"Oh," Susie answered, "Well, can Calvin come out and play?"

Charlie glanced to the side where, invisible from the doorway, Calvin had a tight grip around Caerbannog trying to keep the white rabbit away from his throat, "I'm sorry, Susie. Calvin's... got his hands full at the moment."

"Oh. Okay," Susie turned and walked off, Mr. Bun held tightly in her arms.

As the door shut behind her, R.J. shook his head, "Was it just me or did that bunny seem brain-dead?"

Hobbes looked over at the raccoon, "You noticed it too, then?"

"I think it really was a stuffed animal," Charlie added, incredulously, "That kid's got no imagination... she can play-pretend, but she's got no real imagination."

"Are you going to get this furball off me, now?" Calvin asked.

"Depends," came the answer, "Are you going to run away again?"

"It's every prisoner's duty to try and escape," Calvin shot back, "And if he can't, then to cause his captors as much trouble as possible."

Charlie chuckled, "Kid, you're talking to someone who likes old P.O.W. movies, I've heard it before. If that's your game, well... I guess I need to throw you in the Cooler, don't I?"

"Go ahead, send me to my room! I'll be out and away in five minutes!"

"Well, since you've said that I obviously can't send you to your room, now can I? I guess I'll just leave you there with Bann," Charlie shrugged and turned to walk toward the couch.

"Oops," Calvin muttered in chagrin before raising his voice when Bann let out a fierce squeak, "Hey! Hey! You can't leave me like this! It's child abuse! It's criminal! I'll call the cops, the FBI, the CIA, the ASPCA!"

"He's going to love having Ros back," Hobbes muttered walking back to the kitchen.

"Yep," R.J. agreed as he followed, "So, tell me more about this box you mentioned?"

* * *

Author's Note; With no more ideas at the moment, I feel it best to end it there while leaving the story itself open for future additions as the muse strikes me.


End file.
